Spiritual chemotherapy

Many of the things we do to patients are painful and toxic. All medications have side effects. Some medications can wreak havoc on the body, such as chemotherapy agents. So why do we do it? It seems obvious, right? To cure the disease. A patient is diagnosed with cancer and is told, "Okay you can take these medications and they will make you sick as snot, but it's the only way to get rid of the cancer." Well most people would agree to start treatment. Do they realize how painful it's going to be? Maybe, maybe not. I only know from observing the children I take care of. They are poked and prodded with needles on a regular basis. They undergo surgeries to have central lines placed. Those lines can become infected and cause life-threatening illness. They come in for chemotherapy, which can make them feel very tired and sick. They lose their appetites, lose weight, some become very fragile. They lose their hair. They can develop very painful mouth and stomach ulcers. They can become very withdrawn and depressed. And perhaps through all of this, they might even wonder why they are going through it all. Maybe they should stop. But it's the only way to cure the disease.

I wonder if that's how God uses trials in our lives. He allows us to go through painful, devastating experiences because He knows it's the only way to cure our diseased hearts. He finds something wrong in our lives, maybe sometimes it's even a fatal diagnosis. If we keep going untreated, we could very well die. So God allows us to go through "spiritual chemotherapy". He knows it will be painful, and it hurts Him to see us go through that (just as it hurts me to see my patients suffering from toxic medications). But He knows that there is a greater good, and He encourages us to stay strong through the trials. There are days we might want to give up, when the burden seems too heavy to bear. All those side effects seem to be taking a toll. We grow restless, weary, and hopeless. When is it going to be over? We start comparing ourselves to other people, wondering why they got to be so lucky and healthy? We resent the trial that God has allowed us to go through.

But that's when you have to remind yourself of God's promises. He has declared, "For I know the plans I have for you... plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11). He has also instructed us to "consider it pure joy... when you face trials of many kinds" and reminds us that trials help us to develop perseverance, which will strengthen our faith (James 1:2-4). Sometimes it's hard to keep holding on. Families can crumble to pieces when faced with life-changing diagnoses. But those that rely on the Lord and encourage each other can grow so much stronger and closer as a result. It doesn't make the process any less painful to endure, but it gets them through it. I know a family whose daughter was diagnosed with leukemia several years ago. She had a very difficult course with several hospitalizations and set-backs along the way. It affected the entire family, and you could see the pain and exhaustion on their faces. But they stuck with it and leaned on God, and this sweet girl is now in remission. She and her family just recently went on a wonderful Christmas vacation and enjoyed the simple things that most of us take for granted, like staying in a nice hotel and walking around the city. I saw them in clinic for follow-up and there was so much joy in their faces; joy and relief that they had made it through the storm. It really inspired me.

Whatever trial it is that we are faced with, we have to remember: 1) God is going to use it for good, 2) The pain we endure during the trial is for a purpose (it has healing power; it's "spiritual chemo"), and 3) We will come out stronger if we lean on God the whole way.

The agony of the unknown

Many times in medicine, a diagnosis may not be clear from the beginning. Some things are obvious. A kid who has wheezing and hyperinflated lung fields on X-ray, probably an asthma attack. Tympanic membranes that are red and bulging with pus behind the ear drum, otitis media. But then there are the mysteries. The ones where you get a few clues here and there. Or maybe you had no idea that something was brewing all along. You thought you had the whole picture, but it turns out there were things you missed. Were there clues all along? Should you have suspected the diagnosis? So then you begin to gather evidence. You ask the parents questions about the child. This is called taking a history, and it's something you learn early in medical school. We learned a technique called OPQRST: Onset, Precipitating/Provoking factors, Quality, Radiation, Severity, and Timing. You try to fully describe the symptom and get a clear history from the person who has the complaints (or their parents). You get a family history, too. You ask questions about the family members - have THEY ever had these symptoms? Then you do a thorough physical exam, trying to focus on the things you think might be going wrong. Is it stemming from the brain? So you do a thorough neurologic exam - cranial nerves, gross motor, cerebellar function, reflexes, gait. Is it the heart? You listen for a murmur, feel the precordium, check pulses, capillary refill. You do an abdominal exam, looking for enlargement of the liver or spleen. And then you run tests. Blood tests, urine tests, maybe even check the cerebrospinal fluid. You put the patient through all kinds of painful tests, some of them including invasive procedures like liver biopsies and bone marrow biopsies. You order X-rays to look for evidence of what's causing the problem. Plain films first, then CT scans, maybe even MRI's or nuclear medicine studies. And sometimes, even after ALL of this... you STILL don't know what's going on. What is the problem and how are we going to fix it? That's the agony of the unknown. It's horrible for the person who's suffering AND for the person who's looking for answers. How do we find the answer? Will God reveal it?

You know, often I think this same logic can be applied to problems in life. Something comes up, a symptom arises to cause someone to question something they didn't know was wrong. So we seek to gather more information. We ask lots of questions, look for more evidence, run some tests, spend exorbitant amounts of time and energy trying to figure things out. It is emotionally and physically draining. In the end, we just want the answer. But God doesn't always paint the answer in the sky. Sometimes it takes faith. And that can be kind of scary. Stepping out on that ledge and trusting that God will not let you fall. And to make matters even tricker, there's an Enemy who throws obstacles in our way. This happens in medicine, too. We call it "red herrings". Sometimes we get information that makes us think it might be one diagnosis. And we may even lock on to that diagnosis. But then we realize we were totally led astray by the red herring. That's what Satan does in our lives. He throws red herrings our way. He makes us think perhaps we're not doing what God wants. He is the master manipulator, the greatest liar ever. And he hates to see God's people glorifying Him. So he will do whatever it takes to fool us. So how do we find the truth in all of this? When we've collected all the evidence, listened to everyone's opinions, considered whether some "facts" are actually red herrings... how do we come to a conclusion? The only answer I can think of is to pray. Pray, pray, and pray some more. Pray that God will reveal the truth, and He will not lead us astray. And lean on the one truth we are sure of - Christ Jesus.